Diet Regimen Day 5 Sat Sep 11,2010

Okay, diet on Saturdays does not go together lol
- small cinnamon bun
- two bowl of rice for lunch
- eggs
- sausage
- chicken adobo
- wonton soup
- bowl of ride for dinner
- bbq chicken wings

Diet Regimen Day 4 Sep 10 Friday

- banana
- handful of sweet peas
- plate of chicken fingers and fries
- handful of almonds
- orange
- some cereal
- dinner: bowl of rice with pork.

Getting back to shape regimen

Starting today 9Tuesday September 7, 2010 I am back to my "getting back to share regimen", I told couple of my girlfriends that I am indeed trying to lose weight. I figure writing everything I eat is probably the best way to do this. I dropped by Co-op today on my way to work to purchase some fruits and veggies.
I will record thing things I eat each day:

So far for Tuesday (Sep 7) i drunk and ate:
- two cups of tea
- a half bowl of grapes
- a stick of dried teyiyaki beef
- bowl of salad
- banana
- bowl of rice for dinner

Wesnesday Sep 8 drunk and ate:
- one full bagel
- 3 sticks of dried teriyari beef
- one orange
- 3 cups of tea
- glass one milk
- big bowl of salad
- tons of rice, ginger beef, bowl, wanton soup for dinner (grrr)

I really need to stop over eating during dinner time specially with rice!!!

test

December 2008

My life has been a roller coaster lately and I am in so much pain right now... I am so hurt by everything that's going on. Things just won't stop pouring on me, there was once V, then there was H and now there is P, when will he stop hurting me? I been getting calls and e-mails telling me things that these women said or these women done with him etc. I am so hurt and so tired, when will he stop hurting me????????????????????????? They all say the only reason he is staying with me is because I been there for him and now his only reason for being there is our baby. It hurts so much to hear such thing, it hurts even more because i know those people won't say those things if he didn't say or do something. I am so confuse to what to do, I been tempted for a while to send this letter I wrote for all of these women and him. I'm just too fed up with everything, ako pa ginagawa ng mga taong yan na masama. They are right sa mga sinasabi nila, kasi kung talagang mahal niya ako dapat hindi niya ako sinasaktan ng ganito. He is still the same, akala ko nagbago na siya few months ago yon pala it is even worst, he just learn to hide things from me and avoid my questions. It hurts to be cheated and lied by the person you love, let alone the father of your own child. Christmas na Christmas ganito ang pakiramdam ko, dapat sana this is one of the happiest days of my life because I have a baby now pero natatabunan ng kalungkutan at sakit ang nararamdaman kong kasiyahan.

Envy

I envy those women who found a man who loves them deeply. They seem so happy and some of them even made mistakes and yet their husband/partner/boyfriend is there for them to lift them up and carry them through the rough time. Life is really unfair, there are women like myself who've given her love to someone and faithfully love that person and yet she is so miserable and she's always hurt for loving the man who doesn't deserve her love. I don't know what i have done wrong in this life to deserve be treated this way. I have going to friendster, i hate going to the malls and i have going to places where I see happy couples, see woman who've found the guy that treats them so preciously. Here I am seating and crying again. heeck I don't know even where my boyfriend is (what a shame eh?) how can I even tell myself I have a boyfriend when I don't even feel like I am included in his life, I don't even feel like he give a damn when he hurts me. I am so sick of myself, so tired for being an idiot and yet I sit her wait for him to give me his damn reason, yes he will make sure he gets his point and make it sound logical and he will make me feel as if I am such a bitch for not understanding him. I am tired trying to understand him, so sooo tiredddddddddddddd....................
I am sick of crying and yet tears just keeps falling from my eyes. I've spend almost all night and all morning crying again. I am starting to really dispice myself. I envy those woman who found someone who loves them and it makes me wonder when will it be my turn to be happy and find someone who will love him preciously, who will not do anything to hurt me, who will love me more than he love himself? Shittttt I hate my life and I hate me.... i really do. I am the master of all martyr and idiots, how can I hang on to something or someone that constantly hurts me? what the hell is wrong with me????????????????? what have i even done to be treated this way?
God I am so tired... please take me away from my misery.

Hunch

I been trying not to think of him but all day it’s been bugging. I have this hunch, a can’t put my finger if it’s a bad or a good one. I wish sometimes things are different, I hate being left with this kinda feeling I been feeling all day. I don’t know maybe I am being paranoid but maybe I am right. I cried again last night for no particular reason, I just cried because it hurts being in this situation and I am still confuse to what I should really be doing. I feel like walking in the middle of a cold war zone where there are bumps planted everywhere, where silence is very deceiving because things are just waiting to be triggered and I have to be careful what step to make otherwise things just blow me away. It’s the feeling of unsettlement, feeling of deep uncertainty to what awaits. I feel like I am being kept in the dark, isolated from his world with nothing but hope. Hope that he will do the right thing whatever that might be.
I told him he can do whatever he wants but I asked him to respect me enough to let me go first. Maybe I am putting too much hope in the situation that he will do the right thing, maybe walking away should be my decision given all the facts from the past. I don’t know what step to make and I am left with tears at night.
Is it still love or stupidity? I don’t know anymore, I try to re-channel my energy into other aspects of my life but when the day ends my thoughts still go back to lovelife issue. As sad as it may seem, I dwell on it… maybe that’s my real problem. Maybe the problem is within me really, maybe it’s been me all along.

I miss him really, it's kinda depressing coz I can't seem to express my feelings the proper way. I miss him and I wish him and I can communicate openly again. I wish we can share laughters, joy, or just simply share moments of our lives together.... grrrrrrrr what is wrong with me?????????


Anyway, I am tired creating a blog about it but it’s my only outlet. Hhmmm I spend my whole day reading-eating-sleeping-reading. I should get back studying; I still have one big research project to do.

I am superly inlove...

with a two-year old... hehehe you read that right, I have been inlove with baby Ern since day one and she gets older she becomes cuter. I so love that kid, she is such a stress relief, so sweet and smart. She is probably one of the sweetest kid I've met and so cute to. I love seeing her and getting a hug and kiss. She is just adorable, my younger sis and I go see her at least once a week, we just adore her.

New entry

I noticed I only write a blog when I am upset or mad, it's my way of expressing my emotions I guess. but when thigns are great my blog is empty so hereon I will write even when I am happy.:)

Today has been super busy at work so I came home late. Instead of going straight home I decided to go visit baby Ern, she is so cute. Such a stress relief to hang out with her even just for few minutes and I will admit I am inlove with a two year old. As a matter of fact I am not the only one inlove with her, my baby sis as well. Baby ern calls me at sometimes just to say hello and she tells me "i miss u tita, love you" she really meld my heart.

That's all for now, gotta go take a shower.

He said She said

Her: "Sacrificing your happiness for the happiness of the one you love, is by far, the truest type of love.” <--- deeply wounded, are we? lol,,,, *sigh* nway i understand the feeling of these words
She said as she quoted his quotation in his profile.

Him: deliberately ignored her comment

Her: i hope your wounded heart will heal soon... it hurts even more to see/know that the one you love is hurting because of his unconditional love for somebody else
She said as she feel the tears drop form from her eyes.

Part of her says it isn’t true that he feels that way towards someone but the evil side of her still created the agony in her heart. Part of her knows there is a certain truth to what he put in there because of what she was told yesterday by the other party.

She signed off with tears and regretted even reading his profile.

He was annoyed saying he is tired of her believing what she sees in the net not knowing there is more into it why she thinks that.

Tears of confusion and agony...

"Only a life lived for others is worth living" Albert Einstein - statement passed to me by someone from him that brought tears to my eyes.

I try to keep my emotions tact but the last few days especially today has been really tough. Between work, family and majority my love life, things just seem to not settle down at all. An incident occurred today and I am really hurt by it. I don’t know what to believe or who to believe anymore. My soul is weary my heart is torn and my mind is crushed. I am trying to be strong for the person I love though I am not sure if that’s the right thing to do or not. Maybe I am holding on to someone I shouldn’t have. I just want to enjoy the feeling of being inlove with someone who loves me back, is that so hard to ask out of this life?

Anyway, I need to get my head together for my work projects and other things in my life. It's difficult to do but I must get up tomorrow with positive energy.

Early Riser

I am not much of an early riser though I lately I’ve been waking up early, especially today I woke up at 4:30AM! Quite proud of myself for being motivated to get up despite of my love life problem. I thin this is the right thing to do: get back on my feet no matter what happen. There have been many other things in the aspects of my life that I failed to pay attention to because I was too focus on one thing alone. I hope my energy will continue to be as vibrant as it is now.
Personal matters: my sister finally set a date for her wedding, she is getting married on December. I am happy and excited for her! I told BB(bestbud) that because he is "passively" asking if we can get married on December after he pass his exam. I am not sure if he is happy with that or not but he forgot to call me back lastnight as he promised. Maybe he's just too sick and went to sleep early, who knows, right? That's okay it's really up to him what he wants to do with his life.
Work wise, there have been lots of chances and lots of uncertainty. Tomorrow, I will have a meeting with one of the Senior Management from the head office in regards to my career path and what the company can offer etc. I am crossing my fingers for an excellent result both for short term and long term goal.
I really need to catch up on my readings; I need to be dedicated to study every single day for the next three weeks. No more crazy stuff, I seriously need to concentrate 110% so I can get through this phrase of my career smoothly.
I am happy todayJ and I should enjoy that feeling.

Ang Laki Kong Tangga

My goodness, i am so pissed off right now.........gerrrrrrrrrrrr gerrrrrrrrrrr and laki kong tangga, my goodness i was crying ym eyes out this weekend because of him and then there I was running into his place just to give him some meds because he is sick.... and he treated me as if i am nothing,,, goodness harap harapan niya na akong ginagawang tangga and i still put up with it... gerrrrrrrrr ang tanga tanga ko talaga grabe, i was seating there listening to him flirt with some strangers,,, and yes i was there when some stupid woman calls their number, of course he did not dare to pick up the line because i was there....... i am starting to despise myself so being such a big idiot... im so foolish to take all these shits.. my goodness glenda when is this going to be over.... ang laki laki kong tangaaaaaaaaaaa so stupiiiiiiiiiiiiidddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddd!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! until when will i be like this, grabe sobra na tong katanganhan na to!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! shit talaga, i am so pisseddddddddddddddd offffffffffff gerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr i hate this i hate ittttttttttttttttttttttttttttt!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tear Drops in my Pillow

I promised myself I will not cry because of him anymore but I still do. Here I am crying my eyes out because of the same damn thing. I think he is out there having a great time smiling, I am not crying because he is smiling, i am crying because i am not there with him. Am I really selfish or I am just stupid? I still don't understand why he never wanted me to be part of his world and here I am crying because of it. I don't know if I am holding on to something I should have let go long time ago. I really don't know how or what to believe anymore, I can't even trust my own judgement now. It's so hard to be in the position I am in and i am not sure how to go about moving forward. I don't want to inhibit myself for living a peaceful life and enjoying the feeling of being inlove and yet I still let him hurt me this much. Maybe I am just a plain idiotic person, so stubborn to accept that fact that what I believe is meant to be really isn't. i don't know anymore... so confuse and so tired of myself ranting about the same thing over and over again... so tired arguing and trying to figure him out... it's a constant roller coaster relationship, sometimes I honestly think he loves me too but other times i think he just wants me but not love me... seems like he just want to keep me around 'coz I am the most idiotic stupid woman who had fallen inlove with him... I don't know anymore, i am weary and so confuse... I hate feeling this way....

Gigs friday

I can write about how pissed off and mad I was with him for not being there when I needed him and for going somewhere instead but that's just a waste of my time, oh who am i kidding. I was talking to him earlier and he was telling me a little about his weekend and some incident that happened, being the inconsiderate person that he is of course he seem to think he had done the right thing. He did not even apologize for not being there for me on friday, as usual he acts as if nothing happened and as if he haven't done anything wrong. He was telling me that i should not lower myself to that level of that other woman, if i wanted to argue with him i could have said "you created that problem and yet you are telling me to act professionally, how dare you advise me of such" but no i am so tired arguing about the same thing so I will just keep that to myself and go ahead with what I think I will do next time. He can say or do what he wants but I already made up my mind, enough of this non sense. I will not inhibit myself for acting upon what I think is best just because he thinks so and my patience is surely running out. Enough of this non sense and he better darn think I am serious with whatever my decision might be. I will not tolerate such thing anymore, I am just counting. I’ve given this relationship enough chance and he better darn appreciate his might be last. Enough is enough, no more!!!!!!

Triggered by crazy emotions

I think I was wrong to let my emotions overrule last night and send him that message, i should know better by not sending him any messages after my encounter with her or other people coz it be an emotional moment and i often don't think...
today he talked to me only for few minutes to express his disappointments and his concern, he said he doesn't want to read my messages anymore does that mean he didn't read the rest.... i can tell him i am sorry for sending that message but i was also just expressing my emotions at that moment... hay life, i can't seem to do anything right=(

Last Summer Long Weekend

Went fishing for the very first time! Fishing was fun, it surely is one of the activities you can really enjoy with good company. People in here fish for the trill of it i think and I now do understand how does it feels like to catch a fish especially the first time lol. It was also priceless seeing the reaction of people like tita Anita catch her first first and of course her husband tito Tonie jumping with the net to help her catch it hahaha that was priceless moment, i wish i had a video to capture it. Oh yeah he did one of the most romantic thing to do, he let me use his jacket because i was freezing and don't have the proper gear. I swear he doesn't buy flowers and all the romantic norm but he is romantic in his own way, it makes me smile just thinking of it. I love spending time beside the lake just seating there beside him waiting for the fish to bite the bait. It was so cold during the night, I was freezing and rain yesterday so we had to leave early. Overall I had a great time with him, his family and their family friends. I hope it won't be my last fishing trip with him.

-----------------------

Okay na sana as in masaya na sana pero when i got home, ayan na naman that stupid woman who act like an angel in from of him reminded me of the feeling i am trying to forget - the feeling of jealousy, being betrayed and fooled on, and cheated on. She slap in my face how he can never introduce me to their friends and how he will never left her no matter what... it hruts that he doesn't and did not believe me even the first time i told him that she contacts me just to remind me over and over again that there is still her... I just want it to stop but it keeps coming back. i thought it is over but obviously it is not, he made his decision to still pursue their friendship(if u can call it that) regardless if i will be hurt... ang tanga tanga ko talaga grabe, i really dont know what to do and which direction to take.. it hurts so bad and here i am dwelling and crying again... i want this to stop. i hope it will stop hurting me.... i am really confuse of who to believe and what to believe anymore.. i still don't understand her purpose why she acts the way she does, he seem to have a totally different impression of her though, ... maybe i am holding on to someoen I should have let go long time ago... I pray for God to please enlighten me, give me the courage and open my eyes to see where to take my life from here, and please fix my broken heart, please don't let any evil thoughts in my head... please help me get back to my feet and become the woman worthty of someone's unconditional love...

Revived Outlook

I think I’ve been spending way too much time dwelling into my love life lately; I was going to say I’ve been spending way too much time to useless stuff but who am I fooling by saying that eh? Obviously it matters to me because I spend time on it. Despite of how much it hurts I think my unselfish love for him will show now that I decided to let him go, let him be free and be happy as he always wanted to be.

Anyhow, I want to make a commitment to myself to excel professionally, I have to keep my aims high and stay focus on it no matter what happened around me. At least that’s one thing I can control, well I will try to control as much as I can. I was to finish all my CGA requirements this year until April next year and start writing my national exams. I know it be challenging to stay focus all the time but I think it be a good idea to keep my eye on the ball and work hard towards it. At least I can re-channel all my energy to that instead of wasting it feeling sorry for myself coz someone doesn’t love me. I need to constantly remind myself of the big picture, what I would want to be in the future. I want to be the person I can be proud of, the person whom my family and maybe offspring will be proud of. And of course the nicer life I can give myself and my family if I become professional. Education is still very important and I am glad I have the opportunity to be able to support my own studies regardless of how seemingly hard it is sometimes.

“Believe that you will triumphantly overcome all challenges in your life as long as you have faith and dreams”

Nothing much, just today's haps

I don't know where you were today nor would i want to ask anymore because you might say "ang dami mong tanong, daig mo pa ang investigador" but part of me doubted all you did is go to that Ian guy you said who wasn't there. Well is that ian guy wasn't there then where were you? My guts tells me you are with someone else, I hate this feeling. I have the feeling that you seem to be hiding something from me. You also called me and you asked what time it was while talking to me then you said "tulog na tayo" and just hang up as if you are in a hurry. There is a screaming part of me saying "hindi ka naman matutulog eh, may kakausapin kang iba" My natural reaction is to call you, surely enough i know you were using your phone coz otherwise it will go to your voice mail after two rings but it didn't. I knew you are talking to someone.... It hurts to know you are hdiing something from me and it hurts to know you hang up the phone to talk to someone... I don't know if I can take more of this... I don't want to cry anymore.... Hope you take what I told you yesterday by heart; before you start anything with someone just please respect me enough to let me go... mas okay na yong minsanan ang sakit instead na pinagmumukha mo akong tangga. I hate this feeling...

It is just a wish

Over the past few years;
I’ve watched you give a piece of your heart to someone else
I wish it would have been to me.
I’ve heard you declare your love to someone else,
I wish it would have been for me.
I’ve heard you whisper sweet nothings to someone else
I wish it would have been to my ears.
I’ve seen you laugh and be so happy with other’s someone,
I wish you would have been that happy with my company,
I’ve heard you bought gift and flowers for someone else,
I wish it would have been for me.
I’ve witness you wrote poems for someone else,
I wish it would have been for me.
I’ve heard you sang songs for someone else,
I wish it would have been for me.
Though it hurts to know, now I realized I’ve always wished,
I’ve always wished something that you never intended to give to me.
I wished like a child filled with hopes and dreams
Waiting for fairly godmother to grant my wish and give me your whole heart
Only to grow up one day realizing those wishes will remain as wishes.

"You love me, you love me not?"

We’ve been together for almost seven years;
Through those years I’ve given you all the understanding you need,
All the time you want and all the love I can ever give someone.
Last year, you finally asked for my hands,
you said you want to spend the time of you life with me.
I believed you. I thought you’re a changed man.
Only to wake up one day that it was all a dream.

I let you spend times with your so called “friends”
without them having the knowledge of my existence“
coz I thought you realized how much you hurt me before and will never do it again
Yet I am wrong, after all those years my judgment still fooled me once again.

You dropped the boom in front of me as if I should take it so lightly,
It hurts so bad, it hurts and I cried until I can no longer cry.
It hurts to know the changed man I thought who love me now fooled me.
It hurts that the people I trusted will not do any harm hurt me so bad.

You beg me to stay and stand by your side once again,
You finally declared your undying love, sweet words I love to hear but are they true?
If you truly love me as you say then prove it.
Declare to the whole world your undying love.
Show me you love me.

dated: August 17, 2008

my new baby http://www.x-overprofiles.com

Been working on my new baby: http://www.x-overprofiles.com

Tale of 2006...

http://glendz23memoirs2006.blogspot.com/

"Fool me once - shame on you. Fool me twice - shame on me!"

If it was my choice to travel the path I did that brough me to you then I would choose to travel it over again if I have to.
"Fool me once - shame on you. Fool me twice - shame on me!"
My hope is too high for giving this a second chance. But don't be fooled 'coz I ain't letting you break my heart twice.

If it was destiny that brought me to you then shame on destiny if it lets you break my heart once again.

Just like what they say "someone can only hope for the best and expect the worst" & I am hoping for the best... hmmm oh wait a second.... what am I hoping for again? Hoping for the best on what? Whatever I'm screwed.

Nothing much... just me blaberring.......

Okay I am bored today and I didn't get much studying done this weekend. I spend time making plans instead. Plans on what would be the best way to carry on with life... see here is the thing, I don't want to put my life on hold any longer because of school... that sounded really bad but you know what I mean - when someone has to work and go to school at the same time it means their weekends and evenings are tied upp studying... wahhh I cannot explain it... anyways, I made few plans from one extreme to the other, no final decision yet but one thing I really want to get out of the whole thing is... have a life such as weekend to slack around, spend time with family, friends, special someone and not worry about school. Education/School is still part of the long term goal... I mean really really long time from now......... complicated but I just want to find a way how to manage my life better... gotta go, I need to get out of here before my head explode.

Choice & Destiny

Sometimes I wonder if people can be hundred percent happy with their life or they are just living with the decisions they made and simple be contented with it?

I have been running into high school acquaintances and people around my age who have kids and/or married, most of them seem happily contended (if I may use those words together). Some of them settled down because they have to due to circumstances they’ve gotten themselves to and others because they choose to. Nevertheless, they seem to be satisfied with the choice they made and if asked how satisfying having a kid is, all of them would say “I won’t trade it with anything else in the world” with the smile in their face.

The question is, what about those who are still single? Are they less happy or less contented with their lives? In my expedition to find an answer, I have run into several people who are single ranging from the age of early 20’s to late 30’s who also seem really satisfied with their lives. Some of them admitted they've chosen to be single and others simply say they haven’t found Mr. Right(if such thing really do exist). They enjoyed the gift of freedom being single. Some views single life as a gift of being able to show compassion to the world without limitation of time and mobility.

Comparing these two situations, I have concluded that both situations have pros and cons. People cannot judge someone’s happiness based of having kids and/or husband/wife nor can they judge someone who is single.

So is life really our choice or we are simply part of the big plan made by someONE who’s power is beyond this world and we just act according to the plan and it is fixed that we cannot do anything to alter it? I simply think that we all have different purposes in life... call it a choice or destiny… that’s for you to decide.

Hello 2006

In few hours it will be 2006 in my side of the world… time to welcome the New Year with an open heart and mind. I am looking forward for what 2006 has to offer as well as what I have to offer.

Before I say goodbye to 2005, I would like thank God for all the blessings & challenges this year have given me and to all the people around me. I wish the New Year to be good to everyone.

Note to self for 2006: live life to the fullest & live healthy.

Happy New Year to All.

Christmas 2005

I’m glad Christmas holiday is over hmmm of course I am not counting the New Years celebration but hey is it not as intense as Christmas... life is now back to normal. As much as I like having extra day off work, watching the Christmas decor and I love seeing the holiday spirit in people’s faces, I am thankful it is over.

Christmas is supposed to be a moment filled with laughers and joy shared with family and friends, happiness for the salvation of the soul and never ending exhibition of affection and love to others.. sadly Christmas is becoming more and more commercialize nowadays.

I actually enjoyed Christmas celebration, stayed home & be lazy and spend time with my family. Not to mention visited my "second" family and spend some time with eXtra Oridinary.

The hardest thing to say...

"I am sorry" is the hardest thing to say.

It is the hardest thing to say when you hurt the people you deeply care about.
Sometimes we do it unintentional & other times we hurt them intentionally.
Either way saying "I'm sorry" is really hard because you know no matter how sorry you are things cannot be undone, the damage cannot be reversed, the scares will remain in their heart.

"I'm really sorry I didn't mean to hurt you but I know I did."

Commemorating My Hometown Bautista

Bautista is politically subdivided into 18 barangays:

1. Artacho
2. Cabuaan
3. Cacandongan
4. Diaz
5. Nandacan
6. Nibaliw Norte
7. Nibaliw Sur
8. Palisoc Poblacion East
9. Poblacion West
10. Pogo
11. Poponto
12. Primicias
13. Ketegan
14. Sinabaan
15. Vacante
16. Villanueva Baluyot

"The Municipality of Bautista is located in the eastern portion of Pangasinan and it is within the 5th Congressional District of the province of Pangasinan. It has a total land area of 8,312 and it is 211 kilometers away from Manila, about 32 kilometers from the City of Dagupan and 39 kilometers from Lingayen the capital town of Pangasinan. Bautista is bounded by the municipalities of Alcala on the north; Bayambang on the south; the Agno River and Bayambang on the west; and Moncada, Tarlac on the east. The town is composed of eighteen barangays with a total population of 23,375 (NSO, 1995)."

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bautista,_Pangasinan
http://www.pangasinan.org/surfmap.htm
http://elgu2.ncc.gov.ph/bautista/index.php?cat1=3&cat2=3

Thanks to the above websites for making it possible for me and the rest of the world to know more about a great town called Bautista... my hometown.

*****************************************************************

When I was growing up the world seems so big, seem so scary, I felt like I was this fragile creature that has no power to cope up with it. Now I look at the world and think to myself “not bad, it is really not that big.” Looking back then, I would have never thought that it is possible to conquer the world. Now, I am probably on my way conquering my part of the world. Through my journey, I’ve discovered that a home will always be home anywhere I go. My childhood home is Namualan, it is a small village located at Brgy. Diaz in Bautista.

Namualan… you hold my precious childhood memories, I am miles away but no matter where I would be you are always my home.

Goodbye My Love...

I looked for a friend, I found you
I was down, you lift me up.
I longed for a lover, I had you
I was cold, you fired me up.
I prayed for the one, I got you
Just to find out I had to let go of you.

Just when I got used having you,
I had to let you go.
I had to let you go before it’s too late
I have to let you go while I still can.

Now that you are gone,
The excruciating pain seems endless.
But I know I had to, ’coz it is best for you.
I will bear the pain to see you happy.

Everything has a beginning and end.
We had a beginning and for now this is the end.
Time will pass and things will change
But my love for you will remain the same.

But before I say goodbye,
I want you to know that given a choice
I will still choose to take this road once again.
And most of all, I want you to know
You are one of the greatest things that happened to me
And for that I thank you.

Angels Among Us... by Alabama

Note: Thanks for all the angels in my life...

I was walking home from school on a cold winter's day
Took a shortcut through the woods and I lost my way
It was getting late and I was scared and alone
Then a kind old man took my hand and led me home
Mama couldn't see him, but he was standing there
But I knew in my heart, he was the answer to my prayers

Oh I believe there are angels among us
Sent down to us from somewhere up above
They come to you and me in our darkest hours
To show us how to live
To teach us how to give
To guide us with a light of love

When life dealt troubled times and had me down on my knees
There's always been someone there to come along and comfort me
A kind word from a stranger to lend a helping hand
A phone call from a friend just to say I understand
Ain't it kind of funny at the dark end of the road
Someone lights the way with just a single ray of hope

Oh I believe there are angels among us
Sent down to us from somewhere up above
They come to you and me in our darkest hours
To show us how to live
To teach us how to give
To guide us with a light of love

They wear so many faces
Show up in the strangest places
Grace us with thier mercy
In our time of need

Oh I believe there are angels among us
Sent down to us from somewhere up above
They come to you and me in our darkest hours
To show us how to live
To teach us how to give
To guide us with a light of love

Re-engineering Process…

Re-engineering Process…The road has been tremendously bumpy lately making it obvious that things might have not been handled effectively. Re-engineering process is in order. Though I have been down this path many times, my re-engineering skill is still at amateur level. I guess knowing what’s needed brings me one step closer to the solution. Finding solutions to the problems and sticking to the plan would be another story.

Webster defines re-engineering as:

The examination and modification of a system to reconstitute it in a new form
and the subsequent implementation of the newform.

Not an easy task for a ordinary girl like me. But hey I'm given this life and I intend to make the best out of it, if it needs re-engineering this so be it.

Confuse...

I am so confuse with pretty much everything right now. I am torn between so many things, zillions of forces forcing in different directions and it feels like there is no end to this whole confusion process.

Part of me thinks maybe it is the best time for me to do this, on the other hand part of me is saying maybe I should wait. I am torn between school, work, relationships and life itself. In order to get one thing you must sacrifice. How would I know when it is time for this and it is time for that? I thought I had it all figured out but the truth is I don’t even know what my goals anymore. It is my goal to really pursue my career or just be a bum for the rest of my life or maybe just be a full time mom or be single for the rest of my life?

At times I think I know what I want but the process of getting there seems so long and very complicated or maybe I am living the life that I want right now and I don’t even know it. What if there is nothing beyond this point, what if I should be contented at this kind of setup? I am so confuse on when I should set aside one thing and work with other ones. So how do people know when to take a chance? Am I just making life more complicated that it is? It is just me who’s so confuse feeling that the rest of the world conspired to put me in this situation and be an object of the universes’ laughter or it is true?

When or how would I reach the point where I can actually say “I am happy and satisfied?” See, to confuse things even more, in a way I am currently contented but then again I want to take a chance on doing something. When would this whole thing end so I can finally get the answers to my questions?

I think I am just blabbering for no reason at all, I am tired and exhausted – bottom I am confuse right now maybe I should just get some rest. I will just go with the flow.

Letter to Aristotle...

Dearest Aristotle,

I thought I would let you know that long after you’re gone your thought about education is still precise, " The roots of education are bitter, but the fruit is sweet."

You are absolutely right, the roots of education is bitter & PRICY! Hmmm… I am not sure yet about the fruit though, I have a very long way before then so for now I will take your word for it. I just paid my school fees for next semester today and suffice to say I am penniless at the moment. I am not sure if something called “working-student” existed during your time. If not, then I must say things have changed quite a bit around here… being a working-student is just a norm in my world. Most people including yours truly have to find ways to finance their own studies, well that is if you really want to succeed in life.

Gone are the days where I can go to school without worrying about the financial aspect of it. And it is sadder to say; gone are the days where I take my time to savor the essence of the learning materials. If you are beside me right now, you will probably shake your head and tell me that I am missing the very essence of education but please do understand that things have changed. Yes, people still have the thirst and craving for wisdom and knowledge. However, people have different reasons why they are pursuing education. In capsule, wealth and stability play a huge factor. I am not easily influence by the world but sometimes the force is too hard to resist that even a well-determined person will give in. As years go by, the reality of life slowly ingesting the noble reason I had for pursuing my education.

I have been yearning to go to school full time again without distressing about work for years now. And I keep thinking that if I save enough then sooner or later I will be able to afford that. Well Aristotle, sooner is definitely out of the option and later is blur. Is my case hopeless? I dare not! There has to be other ways of doing this without extensive damage to my financial rating, like winning a lottery or maybe find someone to adopt me and sent me to school? Naah who am I kidding? There is only one way and that is my “own-way” (of course with the support of those who loves me.) I just have to find the way to that way.

Your poor scholar,
Glendz

"I Run for Life"

Life takes us into unexpected twist and turns sometimes…

“What we thought is the hardest thing could easily turn out to be one most rewarding experience of a lifetime.” - Anonymous

“I Run For Life” is a song they played when we were doing a fund raising for the Calgary Breast Cancer Society. I’ve heard a lot of sappy songs before but this one really hit home. It is an inspiring song to women everywhere who are struggling with the breast cancer disease.

I Run For Life
By: Melissa Etheridge

It's been years since they told her about it

The darkness her body possessed

And the scars are still there in the mirror

Everyday that she gets herself dressed

Though the pain is miles and miles behind her

And the fear is now a docile beast

If you ask her why she is still running

She'll tell you it makes her complete

[Chorus:]

I run for hope

I run to feel

I run for the truth

For all that is real

I run for your mother your sister your wife

I run for you and me my friend I run for life

It's a blur since they told me about it

How the darkness had taken its toll

And they cut into my skin and they cut into my body

But they will never get a piece of my soul

And now I'm still learning the lesson T

o awake when I hear the call

And if you ask me why I am still running

I'll tell you I run for us all

[Chorus]

And someday if they tell you about it

If the darkness knocks on your door

Remember her remember me

We will be running as we have before

Running for answers

Running for more

I would like to congratulate all the people who continually show support to the organization, all the crews, and my co-volunteers who run for the “Weekend for Breast Cancer” on August (this is a long overdue greetings). Also thanks to all the women (or maybe some men) who donated their used bra for a good cost. If you haven’t, then please do so.
But most of all I would like to thank all the victims of the disease who shared their inspiring stories. I salute you guys for facing such challenge with courage and dignity. You guys are truly a symbol of bravery. Never forget - YOU are NOT alone!

Intelligence = (Power + Knowledge) x (Tactics)

I just attended a workshop facilitated for the CGA Program of Professional Studies. The workshop emphasis tactics derived from the following equation:
Intelligence = (Power + Knowledge) x (Tactics)
According to our speaker most educator emphasis Power and Knowledge and ignore Tactics which is very critical is someone learning process. This is not intentional but rather lack of knowledge in most educators’ part. Here are the nine strategies he emphasized in the workshop that according to studies worked for most student to excel in their chosen profession:
1. 18+2 18+2 10+20 (Eighteen minutes study-two minutes break, eighteen minutes study-two minutes break, and ten minutes review-ten minutes break).
2. Checkmark Technique
3. Recite
4. SQ4R (Survey, Question, Read, Record, Recite, Review)
5. Split page notes
6. Mnemonics, VAK (Visual, Auditory Kinaesthetic), Loci Method (visualize a room or a route you are familiar with, mentally place items to be remembered on those spot, and “pick them up” as you mentally re-walk along the room or route whenever you need them)
7. Cue cards
8. 5R (Review, Recite, Reformulate, Relax, Read the Instruction) Exam Prep Technique
9. Allocate time to mark and circle verbs in the exam questions.
We all have different process of learning so one strategy might work for someone but not to others. But according to the speaker, choose at least two from the above strategies that will work for you. Studying towards a profession (studying period) requires a lot of time investment but at the end it is all worth it.
I walked in to the seminar wishfully thinking that the speaker will tell us something that will make my studies a lot easier and something that will not require a lot of time and I am wrong but I am still happy I did attend. I’ve learn things from the workshop that I plan on applying towards my Professional Studies. I now realize that choosing to pursue this profession need a great deal of time investment.
Note: This artic has no structure whatsoever, I simply wrote it to remind myself about the seminar and so there is something I can look into when I loss track of things or during those times where I question myself “why am I doing this?”. Something that will remind me that I did not loss a life, I just gain a focus in my life!!!

Just When I Thought I’m Over Him

Newsflash (Whitby, ON August 26, 2005) – “ Mr and Mrs. Juan Balagtas of Old Community Street announce the engagement of their daughter, Joan Balastas, to Zack Lemuel Bautista the son of Mr. & Mrs. Zack Bautista Sr. of Calgary, AB. Wedding will held at St. Francis hall Calgary on 18th of September.” I felt my adrenalin racing as if there is no tomorrow.
Much to my surprise, I received an 8 ½ x 11 envelop in the mail yesterday from a friend of mine who resides in Ontario containing newspaper. At first I thought it was a joke, is she trying to tell me something? Reading newspaper is not really my thing though I know I should keep myself updated with the haps around the world unfortunately, my busy lifestyle just don’t have much room for that kind of hobby.
What could be in that newspaper that’s so important she had to send it express post? The moment of truth dropped in front of me when opened the Announcement section. For some this is just an engagement announcement but for me this is the engagement of the man who played a significant role in my life once upon a time. Zack Lemuel Bautista, how can I forget that name - my first kiss, my first love and the one who’ve stolen my heart. I thought I got my heart back from him after he left me unimaginatively shattered. For years, I thought I had my life back right after he walked out from my life. If I did why am I feeling the pain as if things just happened yesterday? Perhaps I am not over him? After all the agony I’ve gone through I couldn’t possibly still love him. This is my biggest peeve at the moment and I couldn’t get over it, just yet.
Author's note: Above is simply a pigment of a wild imagination.

Misopportunities…

In life we get just few chances … chance to get an ideal job.. chance to do outrageous things…… chances to make things right.... chances to met someone… we may or may not get another chance once we missed so many opportunities….

So when you get that chance – grab it.

For the six months I have set myself into what I like to call escape adventure. I expected a lot of things to come out of it and the one thing I never could have expected was to met a man. In my opinion, he is not just a man but a man who was sent from heaven. He is 10 in everyway including the way he inspired me to be a better person. Someone must have seen the list all the qualities I am looking for in a man and wrapped it all in one package named Edthon.

Needless to say, I met the man of my dream, he made me laugh and it was heaven for a while. Unfortunate for me, we have to part ways Withouth going into further details let’s just say that we bumped into each other at the wrong planet. We were both austronouts who unknowingly landed in Mars. He was looking for Venus and I was looking for nothing in particular, well I was travelling to find myself. He was under the impression that we landed in Venus and I did not bother to correct him at first. Things were working great until planet Mars starts craking. We had to head back to where we came from.

He introduced me to laughters once again. I have never been that happy in a very long time. I am not saying he is the man for me. I hardly think I am the woman of his dream - yet. I wasn’t and still not ready for him, maybe someday. We may or may not have another chance to come across each other’s path again but I am and will always be greatful for him for showing me that such beautiful people do exist in the world.