Last Summer Long Weekend

Went fishing for the very first time! Fishing was fun, it surely is one of the activities you can really enjoy with good company. People in here fish for the trill of it i think and I now do understand how does it feels like to catch a fish especially the first time lol. It was also priceless seeing the reaction of people like tita Anita catch her first first and of course her husband tito Tonie jumping with the net to help her catch it hahaha that was priceless moment, i wish i had a video to capture it. Oh yeah he did one of the most romantic thing to do, he let me use his jacket because i was freezing and don't have the proper gear. I swear he doesn't buy flowers and all the romantic norm but he is romantic in his own way, it makes me smile just thinking of it. I love spending time beside the lake just seating there beside him waiting for the fish to bite the bait. It was so cold during the night, I was freezing and rain yesterday so we had to leave early. Overall I had a great time with him, his family and their family friends. I hope it won't be my last fishing trip with him.

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Okay na sana as in masaya na sana pero when i got home, ayan na naman that stupid woman who act like an angel in from of him reminded me of the feeling i am trying to forget - the feeling of jealousy, being betrayed and fooled on, and cheated on. She slap in my face how he can never introduce me to their friends and how he will never left her no matter what... it hruts that he doesn't and did not believe me even the first time i told him that she contacts me just to remind me over and over again that there is still her... I just want it to stop but it keeps coming back. i thought it is over but obviously it is not, he made his decision to still pursue their friendship(if u can call it that) regardless if i will be hurt... ang tanga tanga ko talaga grabe, i really dont know what to do and which direction to take.. it hurts so bad and here i am dwelling and crying again... i want this to stop. i hope it will stop hurting me.... i am really confuse of who to believe and what to believe anymore.. i still don't understand her purpose why she acts the way she does, he seem to have a totally different impression of her though, ... maybe i am holding on to someoen I should have let go long time ago... I pray for God to please enlighten me, give me the courage and open my eyes to see where to take my life from here, and please fix my broken heart, please don't let any evil thoughts in my head... please help me get back to my feet and become the woman worthty of someone's unconditional love...

Revived Outlook

I think I’ve been spending way too much time dwelling into my love life lately; I was going to say I’ve been spending way too much time to useless stuff but who am I fooling by saying that eh? Obviously it matters to me because I spend time on it. Despite of how much it hurts I think my unselfish love for him will show now that I decided to let him go, let him be free and be happy as he always wanted to be.

Anyhow, I want to make a commitment to myself to excel professionally, I have to keep my aims high and stay focus on it no matter what happened around me. At least that’s one thing I can control, well I will try to control as much as I can. I was to finish all my CGA requirements this year until April next year and start writing my national exams. I know it be challenging to stay focus all the time but I think it be a good idea to keep my eye on the ball and work hard towards it. At least I can re-channel all my energy to that instead of wasting it feeling sorry for myself coz someone doesn’t love me. I need to constantly remind myself of the big picture, what I would want to be in the future. I want to be the person I can be proud of, the person whom my family and maybe offspring will be proud of. And of course the nicer life I can give myself and my family if I become professional. Education is still very important and I am glad I have the opportunity to be able to support my own studies regardless of how seemingly hard it is sometimes.

“Believe that you will triumphantly overcome all challenges in your life as long as you have faith and dreams”

Nothing much, just today's haps

I don't know where you were today nor would i want to ask anymore because you might say "ang dami mong tanong, daig mo pa ang investigador" but part of me doubted all you did is go to that Ian guy you said who wasn't there. Well is that ian guy wasn't there then where were you? My guts tells me you are with someone else, I hate this feeling. I have the feeling that you seem to be hiding something from me. You also called me and you asked what time it was while talking to me then you said "tulog na tayo" and just hang up as if you are in a hurry. There is a screaming part of me saying "hindi ka naman matutulog eh, may kakausapin kang iba" My natural reaction is to call you, surely enough i know you were using your phone coz otherwise it will go to your voice mail after two rings but it didn't. I knew you are talking to someone.... It hurts to know you are hdiing something from me and it hurts to know you hang up the phone to talk to someone... I don't know if I can take more of this... I don't want to cry anymore.... Hope you take what I told you yesterday by heart; before you start anything with someone just please respect me enough to let me go... mas okay na yong minsanan ang sakit instead na pinagmumukha mo akong tangga. I hate this feeling...

It is just a wish

Over the past few years;
I’ve watched you give a piece of your heart to someone else
I wish it would have been to me.
I’ve heard you declare your love to someone else,
I wish it would have been for me.
I’ve heard you whisper sweet nothings to someone else
I wish it would have been to my ears.
I’ve seen you laugh and be so happy with other’s someone,
I wish you would have been that happy with my company,
I’ve heard you bought gift and flowers for someone else,
I wish it would have been for me.
I’ve witness you wrote poems for someone else,
I wish it would have been for me.
I’ve heard you sang songs for someone else,
I wish it would have been for me.
Though it hurts to know, now I realized I’ve always wished,
I’ve always wished something that you never intended to give to me.
I wished like a child filled with hopes and dreams
Waiting for fairly godmother to grant my wish and give me your whole heart
Only to grow up one day realizing those wishes will remain as wishes.

"You love me, you love me not?"

We’ve been together for almost seven years;
Through those years I’ve given you all the understanding you need,
All the time you want and all the love I can ever give someone.
Last year, you finally asked for my hands,
you said you want to spend the time of you life with me.
I believed you. I thought you’re a changed man.
Only to wake up one day that it was all a dream.

I let you spend times with your so called “friends”
without them having the knowledge of my existence“
coz I thought you realized how much you hurt me before and will never do it again
Yet I am wrong, after all those years my judgment still fooled me once again.

You dropped the boom in front of me as if I should take it so lightly,
It hurts so bad, it hurts and I cried until I can no longer cry.
It hurts to know the changed man I thought who love me now fooled me.
It hurts that the people I trusted will not do any harm hurt me so bad.

You beg me to stay and stand by your side once again,
You finally declared your undying love, sweet words I love to hear but are they true?
If you truly love me as you say then prove it.
Declare to the whole world your undying love.
Show me you love me.

dated: August 17, 2008