Tears of confusion and agony...

"Only a life lived for others is worth living" Albert Einstein - statement passed to me by someone from him that brought tears to my eyes.

I try to keep my emotions tact but the last few days especially today has been really tough. Between work, family and majority my love life, things just seem to not settle down at all. An incident occurred today and I am really hurt by it. I don’t know what to believe or who to believe anymore. My soul is weary my heart is torn and my mind is crushed. I am trying to be strong for the person I love though I am not sure if that’s the right thing to do or not. Maybe I am holding on to someone I shouldn’t have. I just want to enjoy the feeling of being inlove with someone who loves me back, is that so hard to ask out of this life?

Anyway, I need to get my head together for my work projects and other things in my life. It's difficult to do but I must get up tomorrow with positive energy.

Early Riser

I am not much of an early riser though I lately I’ve been waking up early, especially today I woke up at 4:30AM! Quite proud of myself for being motivated to get up despite of my love life problem. I thin this is the right thing to do: get back on my feet no matter what happen. There have been many other things in the aspects of my life that I failed to pay attention to because I was too focus on one thing alone. I hope my energy will continue to be as vibrant as it is now.
Personal matters: my sister finally set a date for her wedding, she is getting married on December. I am happy and excited for her! I told BB(bestbud) that because he is "passively" asking if we can get married on December after he pass his exam. I am not sure if he is happy with that or not but he forgot to call me back lastnight as he promised. Maybe he's just too sick and went to sleep early, who knows, right? That's okay it's really up to him what he wants to do with his life.
Work wise, there have been lots of chances and lots of uncertainty. Tomorrow, I will have a meeting with one of the Senior Management from the head office in regards to my career path and what the company can offer etc. I am crossing my fingers for an excellent result both for short term and long term goal.
I really need to catch up on my readings; I need to be dedicated to study every single day for the next three weeks. No more crazy stuff, I seriously need to concentrate 110% so I can get through this phrase of my career smoothly.
I am happy todayJ and I should enjoy that feeling.

Ang Laki Kong Tangga

My goodness, i am so pissed off right now.........gerrrrrrrrrrrr gerrrrrrrrrrr and laki kong tangga, my goodness i was crying ym eyes out this weekend because of him and then there I was running into his place just to give him some meds because he is sick.... and he treated me as if i am nothing,,, goodness harap harapan niya na akong ginagawang tangga and i still put up with it... gerrrrrrrrr ang tanga tanga ko talaga grabe, i was seating there listening to him flirt with some strangers,,, and yes i was there when some stupid woman calls their number, of course he did not dare to pick up the line because i was there....... i am starting to despise myself so being such a big idiot... im so foolish to take all these shits.. my goodness glenda when is this going to be over.... ang laki laki kong tangaaaaaaaaaaa so stupiiiiiiiiiiiiidddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddd!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! until when will i be like this, grabe sobra na tong katanganhan na to!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! shit talaga, i am so pisseddddddddddddddd offffffffffff gerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr i hate this i hate ittttttttttttttttttttttttttttt!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tear Drops in my Pillow

I promised myself I will not cry because of him anymore but I still do. Here I am crying my eyes out because of the same damn thing. I think he is out there having a great time smiling, I am not crying because he is smiling, i am crying because i am not there with him. Am I really selfish or I am just stupid? I still don't understand why he never wanted me to be part of his world and here I am crying because of it. I don't know if I am holding on to something I should have let go long time ago. I really don't know how or what to believe anymore, I can't even trust my own judgement now. It's so hard to be in the position I am in and i am not sure how to go about moving forward. I don't want to inhibit myself for living a peaceful life and enjoying the feeling of being inlove and yet I still let him hurt me this much. Maybe I am just a plain idiotic person, so stubborn to accept that fact that what I believe is meant to be really isn't. i don't know anymore... so confuse and so tired of myself ranting about the same thing over and over again... so tired arguing and trying to figure him out... it's a constant roller coaster relationship, sometimes I honestly think he loves me too but other times i think he just wants me but not love me... seems like he just want to keep me around 'coz I am the most idiotic stupid woman who had fallen inlove with him... I don't know anymore, i am weary and so confuse... I hate feeling this way....

Gigs friday

I can write about how pissed off and mad I was with him for not being there when I needed him and for going somewhere instead but that's just a waste of my time, oh who am i kidding. I was talking to him earlier and he was telling me a little about his weekend and some incident that happened, being the inconsiderate person that he is of course he seem to think he had done the right thing. He did not even apologize for not being there for me on friday, as usual he acts as if nothing happened and as if he haven't done anything wrong. He was telling me that i should not lower myself to that level of that other woman, if i wanted to argue with him i could have said "you created that problem and yet you are telling me to act professionally, how dare you advise me of such" but no i am so tired arguing about the same thing so I will just keep that to myself and go ahead with what I think I will do next time. He can say or do what he wants but I already made up my mind, enough of this non sense. I will not inhibit myself for acting upon what I think is best just because he thinks so and my patience is surely running out. Enough of this non sense and he better darn think I am serious with whatever my decision might be. I will not tolerate such thing anymore, I am just counting. I’ve given this relationship enough chance and he better darn appreciate his might be last. Enough is enough, no more!!!!!!

Triggered by crazy emotions

I think I was wrong to let my emotions overrule last night and send him that message, i should know better by not sending him any messages after my encounter with her or other people coz it be an emotional moment and i often don't think...
today he talked to me only for few minutes to express his disappointments and his concern, he said he doesn't want to read my messages anymore does that mean he didn't read the rest.... i can tell him i am sorry for sending that message but i was also just expressing my emotions at that moment... hay life, i can't seem to do anything right=(